My online diary
Welcome to my nearly daily introspection, musings, blog, and life's unfolding drama (a.k.a. my online diary) - RGO
June 18, 2024: Hi, I have no update for more than a month so I will write long haha. I was so busy. Before I went to the Philippines, I had to prepare for a presentation. On May 31st, I presented the results of the first aim of my dissertation. It was a stressful week, but thank God I was able to share the first part of my research.
After that, I went back to my country with my friend Beth to join a medical mission and tour her around the Philippines. It was another great experience with her and some friends who were my students. I really enjoyed the company and praise God for these wonderful people. We tried to give Beth a little taste of what the Philippines is like. I let her experience our public transportation, such as the jeepney and tricycle. Then, after a week, we came back to Taiwan. And just yesterday, she left 😢, she went back to the US.
I wanted to share that meeting her is one of the best things that happened to me while I've been in this country. I knew her before from church but didn't even bother to talk to her or say hi until one day, ta-da, we became friends. It was just the end of last year when we became friends, and slowly we became close. I would say "slowly" because I was kind of reluctant to be close to other people because of the traumas from my past friendships. However, it turned out to be a good, happy, and healthy friendship.
I thank God I had the courage to invite her on my Japan trip because that's where things started, though we went out several times and did activities with the young adults in church. I think I have mentioned some of these things already. Anyway, right now, I'm kind of lonely and sad because she's no longer in Taiwan. I wanted to think that she just went for a long vacation; I hope it's just like that. I miss her already and also Neko, our cat (stuffed toy) friend.
Nevertheless, I will still see her for sure. We have travel plans already, though we don't know when, but we have countries on our list to visit together. For now, I will keep sending her cat memes and photos. But yeah, I miss her already, and I know I will miss her more in the coming days. I just pray that God will be with her in her decisions in life, that she will go where her skills and talents will be used more to serve God and His people. And yeah, she is a very talented and down-to-earth person. May God bless her ministry in the future.
May 10, 2024: Hello again, it's been a while since I last wrote, not because I've been too busy, but simply because there wasn't much to share beyond God's continual goodness to me. However, yesterday brought up some feelings. I received a message from a friend that triggered a familiar sensation, much like the panic I used to feel when getting emails that brought on a previous episode of depression. Fortunately, this episode passed quickly, and I sincerely hope it doesn't develop into something more serious.
In addition, I felt overwhelmed after an almost two-hour conversation with my adviser. It was a valuable meeting because he shared crucial insights into research and analysis that will guide me in my work. I genuinely appreciate his efforts. But it dawned on me just how much more I have to consider for my research. Right now, I'm tackling the first aim, and challenges have already surfaced.
I'm praying I can finalize everything by May 17 because I need to submit my abstract to IHP for the conference on May 31. Please help me, God.
April 27, 2024: Together with the young adults of NLSDAC, we visited the Taoyuan SDA Church (English Fellowship). I was tasked with giving the sermon, something I hadn't done in quite a while. I thank God for sustaining me and filling me with the Holy Spirit to share His word with His people. I do regret oversharing a bit, especially about my family, which I hadn't intended. My prayer is that the health message stays with them, and that we don't neglect the right hand of the gospel in serving God, as it's so crucial for Christians, especially nowadays.
After the potluck in the afternoon, we stayed for a while to join their live streaming. Some of us played the ukulele while others sang, and I played the guitar. It was a new experience for all of us, and I felt incredibly blessed.
Afterward, we headed back to Taipei, where some of us had plans to go hunting for fireflies. We didn't see many, and it ended up being more of a mini-hike than anything else, which left our legs sore the next day. But overall, the Sabbath was amazing, and I'm grateful for these experiences and the young people I shared them with.
April 21, 2024: My friend Beth and I went to Alishan for a marathon. Originally, I was supposed to run in Taipei with Myrta, but when I heard about the Alishan marathon, I felt a stronger pull. I've been wanting to return to Alishan, a place that feels like home with its cold air and abundance of pine trees. Although I'm not particularly fond of running, the opportunity to visit Alishan again was irresistible.
We traveled last night and arrived in Chiayi earlier than expected. To pass the time while waiting for the shuttle to Alishan, we biked around the area, which was a refreshing start to our adventure. After completing the 5k in under an hour hehe, Beth and I explored the national park, savoring every step as we walked around. It felt so good to be back.
After that, we made our way back to Taipei. It was a super short escape from the city but just what I needed to relax and recharge.
April 14, 2024: I have nothing to say except that I can't focus on my dissertation again. I need to finish interpreting all the results of my analyses so that I can start writing my paper and submit it to a journal for publication. However, I'm so distracted that I can't maintain my focus, and I've lost my motivation once more. Please pray for me!
April 10, 2024: I’m back in Taipei after a trip to Cambodia. It was more than just a holiday; it was a chance to see friends and think about things. I went with Win, a friend I’ve talked about before. On this trip, I got to know him better. He’s a bit weird and does some strange things, but he’s also kind, mature, and a good person. I let him join my trip to understand him more. We had fun, met some of each other’s family and friends, and got along well.
Cambodia was amazing. I saw Angkor Wat, took a balloon ride in Siem Reap, and visited a very sad genocide museum in Phnom Penh. It’s a beautiful country with a lot of history. I’d love to go back, even though it’s not very safe. There was a bit of a problem on our last day in Siem Reap when Win said something about the sunset that bothered me. I love sunsets because they make me feel close to God, not just as something to see every day. I told Win how I felt, but he hasn’t answered yet. Despite this, being with Win in Cambodia made me think again about him. I’m watching how he is and praying to understand if he’s the person God wants me to be with forever.
That’s all for my Cambodia trip. It was really worth it, and I’ll tell you more about everything next time.
April 3, 2024: Josue left Taiwan already. I am going to miss him for sure.
March 31, 2024: I wanted to end this month with happiness, but I was upset by some news about other people's issues, even though I'm not directly involved. As a woman and a concerned citizen, it bothers me. To the person this concerns: It's shocking how you've manipulated a child into believing lies, making him resent his own mother. I've known you for almost 20 years and we've been best friends for over a decade. I know your capabilities, but I never expected you to do something like this. Clearly, your brother has been unfaithful and has physically abused Ate B, his wife. I understand the importance of family loyalty, but the children should not be involved. They're already suffering from your brother's actions. Lying to them only intensifies their pain. It's sad to see that, despite having experienced your brother's violence, you're not assisting but rather exacerbating the problem. Your family not doing anything and thinking your brother is the one who's hurt is really strange. Your brother needs help, you need help, and your family needs help, but you are not the victim here. I hope this message reaches you! - From your former best friend who will no longer be manipulated by you.(I want to post this in my IG)
March 25, 2024: Another week has passed, marking yet another unforgettable weekend spent with people I now consider friends. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be with friends who love adventure and God. This time, we were in Taichung, staying at Daniel's place—a person I hadn't mentioned before. Although not close to him, I used to see him playing the piano at church, never having spoken to him until he moved to Taichung for his new job at the conference. Our first conversation happened at a dinner with some young adults after distributing tracks, and that's how we started talking. Knowing he is still single, I thought of pairing him with another single friend of mine; they seemed like a good match. That's how it all began. I invited him to join us in leading the singing during the church services in Taichung, and again, to play for Beth when she led the song service a week later in Taipei. Just this weekend, we returned to Taichung, stayed at his place. I am thankful for his hospitality; he showed us around Taichung and even treated us to meals. Besides his kindness, I am also grateful to have gotten to know Peter, Beth, and Win better. The entire Sabbath was blessed, filled with meetings with young adults and youths from different churches. I hope we see them again. It was an uplifting and unforgettable experience, adding to the moments I thank God for, affirming that I am still alive. I pray that my spirit continues to thrive as I spread His love to others.
March 19, 2024: Hi, kamusta? Sorry, I was not able to write and update my diary every day. Just to let you know, I am happy right now. Whatever I am doing, whoever I hang out with, wherever I am, I am happy. Little by little, I am seeing my purpose. My only regret is why I only met these people now, why I only returned to the ministry now, why I only became active again now. I should have done it earlier. Anyway, at least I learned my lesson, and now I value more what I have, the people I have, the social support I have. Last Sabbath, the young adults again handled the services in the church. I'm so blessed to see them all participate, see them all render their talents. In the afternoon, we went to distribute tracks at Shilin and Jiantan stations; it was truly a blessed day. But something came to my mind: I should go back to the Philippines and do this kind of ministry, instead of doing it here in Taiwan. Then in the evening, we went for a dinner and a farewell for a friend. It's just sad that many people I know are leaving, but I hope and pray that wherever they go, may God be with them.
Sunday, I went out with Jansen and Josue for a farewell bonding, as Josue is also leaving soon. I am going to miss him for sure. Can't say more now because I still do not want to think about it.
By the way, I am sick right now. It started last night with a fever, and I think it's the flu. Hopefully, I am better tomorrow so I can continue with my responsibilities.
March 10, 2024: Today, some girls from the care group and I went out to a café. It was a place that our friend Susie had kept telling us to try because of the ambiance and their delicious desserts. We tried some and did not regret it; everything was really good. We spent the time together chatting about life, love, and many other things, all while enjoying our desserts. It was a very nice and meaningful time spent with them. I enjoyed the talks and the topics. Looking forward to more outings like this with them.
March 9, 2024: Had the chance to visit and fellowship with the members of Taichung International Fellowship. We led the Sabbath services through to the AY program. It was truly a blessed day spent with them. Additionally, I am grateful for the young adult members I was with. Though I may be the oldest among us, I am learning a lot from them that helps me grow spiritually. I hope the fire within me right now does not die and even though there may be discouragement along the way, I will not forget how God is so faithful and that I can always trust Him.
In the afternoon, during the AY program, we had activities that I really enjoyed. Each group was assigned a task based on a given situation. Our group was tasked with writing a story about someone who recently broke up with his girlfriend, became depressed, and had his faith challenged. To uplift the person, we needed to write a poem for him. Our group wrote a poem to encourage him. Here it is:
Poem by Win:
Heartbreak come and go
So does hi and lo
Hence why thou live in woe?
For ye always have hope
By the reading the book of Job
Poem I wrote:
In darker times, when hope seemed gloomy,
Feeling worthless, depress, and lonely.
Close to giving up, lost in life's sea,
But God, in His mercy, will not give up on thee.
Amidst trials unsee, in shadows of the night,
Here we are your friends, a beacon of light.
Though we knew not your fight,
We are praying that God's hands will be guiding you right.
Lastly, we want to tell something that maybe you already knew,
Before you are formed in the belly God knew you.
Before you came forth out of the womb, God sanctified you.
Do not be afraid because compared to many sparrows, in God, you have more value.
March 1, 2024: For almost a month, I haven't written anything about what's been happening in my life. Thank God, I'm well and alive. I praise God for everything; each day is indeed a testament to how good God is to me. Not every day is good, and there's no such thing as a perfect day, but every day is a blessing.
I recently celebrated the Lunar New Year, which was fantastic. First, we went back home to Baguio City, where we spent several days and attended my sister's wedding. It was wonderful. I thought I would be hiding from my relatives and friends the whole time, but when I saw them, I was so happy, and they were happy to see us too. It was really great to see them again.
After the wedding, I toured my friend Myrta around my hometown for two days, then we traveled to Cavite to spend the rest of the holidays there. It was fun and great to reconnect with friends. Although it was exhausting, I had a lot of fun.
Additionally, I have something to share regarding my past. After talking to different people that I lost connection with for many hours, now everything is clearer. Maybe someday I will share this thing, but right now, I want this emotion to subside. I just really hope that I can forgive myself.
Now, it's back to reality again, but I'm more recharged to face my responsibilities.
February 6, 2024: I'm super duper sleepy now. I couldn't sleep well last night because I kept hearing our youngest sister while she was working on the gifts for the principal sponsors of our other sister, who is getting married next week. With less than a week left, I'm feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness for my sister and her future husband. I hope and pray that everything goes smoothly during the wedding.
January 30, 2024: Exactly one week ago, I contracted COVID-19. Since day one, I have not stepped outside my house due to extreme weakness. Every time I stand up, I feel dizzy. The chilling cold, coupled with a high fever, has made me terribly sick. The gloomy weather only adds to the dismal mood. Currently, my symptoms have reduced to just a cough and a loss of taste and smell. Despite this improvement, I'm still testing positive for COVID-19, so I can't venture outside. The confinement is really taking a toll on my sanity. I'm yearning to go out, have fun, and enjoy life again.
January 27, 2024: Since I resumed attending the care group, I've found myself eagerly looking forward to Fridays and Saturdays. Previously, I used to anticipate Sabbaths mainly for the rest day, but now, it's different. My excitement stems from my desire to go to church and assist with the computer and sound system.
Unfortunately, I couldn't attend today because I'm still testing positive with COVID and struggling with breathing. It's incredibly frustrating. I detest being confined at home, participating only online. It makes me feel useless, and I find it hard to concentrate on the sermon.
I'm longing for the day when I test negative, so I can go out and mingle with others again. This has been the longest period I've ever spent confined inside our house.
January 25, 2024: I contracted COVID-19. Here's what I felt: I had a high fever (I couldn't determine the exact temperature since our thermometer is missing), but it was severe, evidenced by my shivering and chills. I also suffered from headaches, body aches, and extremely painful joints, feeling as if my body was being squeezed. Additionally, I lost my sense of smell and taste, had no appetite, and experienced diarrhea whenever I tried to eat, even just a little. These symptoms began on Monday night, and now, by Thursday, I'm only dealing with a sore throat, cough, and a slightly congested nose.
My sister exhibited similar symptoms before me; it seems I contracted the virus from her. Fortunately, our other sister and our grandmother, who is currently living with us, are fine. I'm hopeful and praying for a speedy recovery for my sister and l, and I thank God that nothing more serious has occurred.
January 18, 2024: It's been 10 days since I last wrote. I just want to say that I am always hungry. I eat plenty, but I still feel super hungry all the time.
January 8, 2024: Happy New Year all!
As I reflect on the rollercoaster that was 2023, filled with its dramas and challenges, I find solace in how it concluded—a rejuvenating travel experience on the last day of the year, leading into the start of 2024. This journey was more than a mere change of scenery; it was a spiritual revival, filling me with joy and recharging my spirit, readying me to face the new year. Despite the past year's trials and the haunting thoughts of disappearing, I step into 2024 with renewed hope and a prayer in my heart. I am grateful for God's unending goodness and pray for strength and happiness in the year ahead, leaving behind the shadows of despair and embracing a future filled with light and possibilities.
December 27, 2023: In light of the events occurring in my life, it's essential to shift my focus away from the immediate challenges and instead, direct my attention towards the greater journey that lies ahead — the pursuit of the kingdom of God. The experiences I'm currently undergoing, whether they bring deep pain or immense joy, are transient in nature. Despite the internal struggles I may face, I maintain a steadfast hope and prayer that God will grace me with increased endurance and love. This divine support will not only help me cope with my own pain but also enable me to continue spreading His love to others. I also seek strength to confront these challenges, always remembering that they are merely temporary phases in my life's journey.
December 21, 2023: I recently experienced a dream that left a profound impression on me. In this dream, I was in a room when suddenly my friend entered, appearing visibly cold and shivering. As I looked closer, I noticed her hands were encased in ice, prompting me to instinctively hug her for warmth. It was then that I discovered numerous bruises and wounds covering her back and shoulders. Shockingly, it seemed as if her shoulder bone had become disjointed and detached. While the meaning of this dream is unclear, it could possibly reflect my underlying anxiety. Presently, my plate isn't overly full, but there's still a substantial amount of preparation needed before the year concludes. My hope is to successfully accomplish the tasks ahead, aligning with what I believe to be God's plan for me.
December 14, 2023: Hmmmm, just grateful I am still alive, experiencing God's mercy and love.
December 4, 2023: Went to the Embassy of Japan today to apply for a visa. I didn't expect the process to be so smooth and easy. While I was confident that all the required documents were complete, I was pleasantly surprised by the efficiency of the system and the kindness of the person reviewing my documents. She even gave me extra time to complete the form, which was supposed to be filled out beforehand. I was able to fix everything on the spot because I did not anticipate such a quick process. I am thankful to God for the smooth application and the approval of my visa. I will receive my passport with the visa on Wednesday, and I am also grateful that the application is free. I'm excited already to travel to Japan. I hope and pray that this trip will be fun and a blessing.
November 30, 2023: As we bid farewell to the last day of this month, only one more month remains before we welcome the close of 2023 and usher in a new year. The swift passage of time never ceases to amaze me—it flies by, truly, and in the blink of an eye.
Reflecting on the events of November, I can't help but feel that it has been a blessed month for me. Despite the setback of an injury to my foot, preventing me from engaging in certain activities for weeks, I choose to express gratitude to God for everything. While the challenges were present, I am thankful for the lessons and experiences that have shaped this month into a meaningful part of my journey.
November 25, 2023: I attended the International Student Ambassadors event organized by Study in Taiwan, where I had the opportunity to share my personal experiences as a student. Alongside fellow student ambassadors and special guests, we each had three minutes to convey our brief experiences and highlight why students should consider Taiwan, especially for Mandarin language learning and personal growth.
In the days leading up to the event, we were provided with guide questions to prepare our responses. Despite our earlier preparation, when my turn arrived, I decided to share my genuine thoughts and feelings. I am grateful that I followed my instincts because afterward, several individuals approached me to express how my heartfelt sharing had inspired them. I look forward to continuing to inspire more young people.
November 22, 2023: I've been homebound for the past four days, though I did step out briefly on Sunday to pick up essentials. On Monday, I went to a computer shop in Shilin to search for a cable to connect my laptop to the monitor, however they don't have. So yesterday, I had to borrow a cable from school, but these outings were all very brief, and I returned home promptly each time. Thankful that our dad is here to drive me, the cold weather and my aversion to walking too much are the main reasons for my quick trips.
Waking up today, I found that the pain in my injured foot persists. Uncertain about what more I can do to alleviate it, I'm also grappling with daily discomfort in my right kidney. It's becoming a challenging situation, and I'm unsure of the next steps to take.
November 20, 2023: I had two dreams today. I would describe the first one as not so pleasant, as it brought back the emotional discomfort I've experienced before involving someone else, both preceding and following our trip outside the country. It stirred up those feelings again as I dreamt about preparing for a trip outside the country with the same person. In the dream, I was running late and almost missed the plane. She became upset and refused to talk to me, ignoring my calls. Then, I woke up, drank water, and tried to sleep again. For my second dream, I was with another person whom I hope to travel with soon. In that dream, I'm not sure if we were traveling, but it was a fun and good experience. I genuinely hope that this dream will come true, and when we travel next month, if she is able to join me, I hope and pray we will enjoy each other's company. Actually, I like traveling with family and/or friends and sometimes I prefer to travel alone, but if I find myself with a travel companion, I hope for someone who is not overly critical, not moody, and possesses the ability to adapt to different situations rather than complaining incessantly.
November 19, 2023: One week has passed since I got injured. I don't understand why I feel more pain now than in the first days of the injury. I'm unsure if what I'm doing to myself is right or if I'm causing more problems for my foot. The good thing is, I can walk better, but I experience more pain on the upper part of my foot towards the leg.
I have decided not to strain my foot further, but the desire to recover quickly is overwhelming. I'm so desperate to walk normally and play badminton again. Even if I won't be able to join the upcoming competition, I just want to play again and lead a more productive life. This situation has left me feeling sad and desperate.
Even if my day wasn't that good and productive because of the pain not only on the injured foot but both now of my foot are hurting, I got a new water bottle from my sister. I'm so happy with their gift.
November 14, 2023: I have already decided not to participate in the competition next month. Although I felt fine this morning and initially considered trying to recover quickly to resume training and compete, the pain returned after a short walk. My friends advised against proceeding with my plan to return to the court soon, and they are right. It's important for me to prioritize full recovery now, rather than risking a more severe injury and regretting it later when I can no longer play. Despite the frustration, I acknowledge that it's my mistake for forgetting my badminton shoes, and I must bear the consequences.
November 13, 2023: I injured my left foot yesterday while playing badminton. Unfortunately, I wasn't wearing the proper shoes, and as a result, I ended up twisting my ankle. Initially, I thought it was just a minor bruise, but today, after visiting the doctor, they performed a sonogram to assess the damage. To my dismay, the scan revealed inflammation and torn ligaments inside.
With an upcoming competition just a month away, I was eagerly preparing for it. However, the doctor delivered the disheartening news that I'll need to rest for six weeks, meaning I may not be able to compete anymore. The doctor's prognosis is proving to be more emotionally painful than the physical injury itself.
November 11, 2023: We had a communion service at church today—a solemn moment to commemorate God's goodness through the life of Jesus Christ and reflect on His sacrifice for our sins. I found myself struggling to contain my emotions during the service because I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I simply wanted to thank and praise God for allowing me to continue experiencing His grace and mercy every day.
A few months ago, I faced a challenging period where I felt utterly useless and worthless. Although I have not openly shared this struggle, I am grateful to God for not abandoning me. He has shown me that I have a purpose to fulfill. During that time, my sisters, friends like Jansen, the care group, and the young adults at church unintentionally played a crucial role in supporting me, even though they may not have been aware of the extent of my struggles.
Their presence and the sense of community, combined with my decision to engage in activities like attending care group meetings and being active in the young adults' group at church, as well as returning to my hobbies like playing badminton, played a vital role in helping me find my way back to the right track. I am thankful for the positive influences in my life that, in their own way, contributed to my journey of healing and rediscovery.
November 10, 2023: Two days in Taichung felt like time slowed down. I am truly grateful to Jennifer and her family for inviting us to play badminton with them and stay at their place. On the first day, we engaged in badminton, providing a unique experience of playing with older yet incredibly strong and skilled players. Although I didn't secure many victories, the experience of playing with them was undeniably rewarding.
On the second day, Jennifer took us to a stunning natural location where we captured many beautiful photos. Later, we indulged in some shopping (hehe). I thank God that we crossed paths and became friends with Jennifer, a super sweet, kind, and responsible young lady.
November 6, 2023: Yesterday, my badminton friends and I went cycling. We had planned this outing before Mayuri's return to the US. Despite the scorching sun, it turned out to be a fantastic day. Our main goal was to find some beautiful flowers, and we stumbled upon a stunning sunflower field. It truly was a wonderful day, filled with enjoyable cycling, delicious food, and great company.
I remember, just two months ago, I was feeling extremely depressed and didn't know what to do but cry. I felt lost and didn't know who to turn to, even contemplating ending my life. But now, I'm here, laughing, enjoying the company of different people, and praising God for everything. God is truly amazing. This experience reminded me of the Bible verse from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8: For everything, there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
Life can change so dramatically, and this journey from darkness to joy is a testament to the ever-shifting seasons of life.
November 4, 2023: After the potluck today, a group of young adults from New Life Church and I embarked on a short hike along the renowned trail within our campus, NYCU-Yangming Campus. Initially, my plan was just to stroll by the river, but the idea of witnessing the sunset from the summit intrigued me. So, I decided to turn it into a hike and invited some of the young adults to join me. The hike turned out to be quite enjoyable, albeit relatively short. However, the sunset view from the top was nothing short of amazing. Afterward, we wrapped up our day with a delightful dinner at a vegetarian burger restaurant. It was, without a doubt, a Happy Sabbath for me.
October 29, 2023: It's been more than a week since my last update here, and I have so much to share. Last Saturday night, I took on my very first trail marathon, an incredibly challenging run. At first, the tough terrain made me contemplate giving up, but I decided to push through. Despite not meeting my initial goal of finishing in 2 hours, I completed the marathon in 4 hours and 7 minutes. I still felt a great sense of achievement in reaching the finish line.
The following days were quite tough as I experienced post-race soreness and decided to refrain from any strenuous physical activity. Then, on Thursday, I ventured into the world of acupuncture for the first time. It was a fascinating experience, and although I didn't notice immediate changes in my body, I'm intrigued by the principles of Chinese medicine. I'll need to undergo six sessions before I can determine its effectiveness.
Yesterday evening, we gathered for a movie night, and we watched the Sun Moon movie, which I found quite relatable. I don't have much to say about it, but I thoroughly enjoyed the company and the film.
October 19, 2023: We went to pick up our race packets for the Saturday night marathon. This is my first time participating in a night trail marathon, and I'm not quite sure how I'll feel, but I'm definitely filled with excitement. I am hoping that it will not rain on the day or the day before so the trail will not be slippery. Also, I hope that we can avoid injuries and complete the race on time. Moreover, I'm looking forward to experiencing the breathtaking night view from the top.
October 16, 2023: I choose to spread only good and happy vibes. Personally, I'm feeling great. These past few days have been so busy, not from work or studies, but from extracurricular activities. I'm enjoying meeting and playing with various sports enthusiasts, learning from them, and forming friendships.
The activities I'm engaged in, such as biking, hiking, and badminton, make me feel youthful. I know that at this age, I should be more focused on my future and take life more seriously. However, I feel like a teenager again, trying to balance everything while thoroughly enjoying different activities. I genuinely enjoy it, thanks to these wonderful people who inspire and motivate me in various aspects of life.
I'm also thankful to God for allowing me to know and meet like-minded people from church who share the same passions. They inspire and encourage me on this fulfilling journey.
October 10, 2023: I'm writing now to recount yesterday's adventure as I was quite exhausted after our mini hike at Teapot Mountain. Comparatively, the weather yesterday wasn't favorable. The night before our hike, I fervently prayed to God for good weather, and my prayers were answered. Though the summit was shrouded in fog, obstructing the view, we were fortunate that it didn't rain during our hike—only later on our way to Jiufen and back to Taipei. Hiking with friends made the experience even better, and I was especially grateful for Wo's presence, as he was familiar with the route and knew where we could find vegetarian meals. Yesterday's hike left me feeling reenergized and appreciative.
October 5, 2023: After our badminton session was cancelled today, I thought of not going to the university and decided to meet up with Jade in Shilin for dinner instead. However, I'm glad I still went, as it led to a delightful encounter with my friend Sakshi and some other classmates whom I hadn't seen in a while. We had a great time chatting and catching up on each other's life updates and research progress. Later, I met up with Jade for dinner, and we had a wonderful conversation. While waiting for the metro, a girl approached me—she is a Filipina-Taiwanese and had overheard Jade and me speaking in Tagalog. She asked where I am from, and it was a pleasant surprise to meet another Filipina in Taiwan. I look forward to meeting her again soon.
Today made me realize that many people I encountered at school seemed stressed, likely due to the pressures of research and academic commitments. I understand that stress is a common part of life, especially in academia, but I hope and pray that everything goes smoothly and well for them in both their academic and personal lives. My thoughts and prayers are also with Jansen for a speedy recovery and for comfort to reach Em during this time.
October 2, 2023: Before heading to the badminton hall for some games, I had the chance to meet Ate Nian, who had recently arrived in Taiwan. She had seen my vlog about studying in Taiwan, and we had been chatting about her upcoming move here. It was great to finally meet her in person. Even though we hadn't met before, our conversation flowed smoothly and it was a pleasant encounter. We delved into various meaningful topics and shared our thoughts. Interestingly, Ate Nian was the second person to mention that they discovered studying in Taiwan through my vlogs. It warmed my heart to know that my vlogs could be helpful in that way. I explained to her that I create vlogs as a way to combat my feelings of loneliness. It's remarkable how our difficult moments can end up being a source of inspiration or comfort for others.
After this delightful encounter, I headed to the badminton hall for some gameplay. There, I met even more players, and we engaged in some friendly matches. It was a fantastic opportunity to connect with fellow badminton enthusiasts, and I'm hopeful that these interactions will pave the way for potential friendships in the future. The camaraderie and shared passion for the sport made the entire experience even more enjoyable.
October 1, 2023: Had a really productive kick-off to October! Today, several young adults from our church planned a biking trip. The weather got iffy around 1pm, but we decided to brave it out, heading from Shilin to Tamsui by the riverside. Despite the rain, we persisted, starting in Shilin with a light drizzle. Some parts were dry, but the rain caught up as we pedaled towards Tamsui. When we finally reached Tamsui, it was pouring hard, but luckily we made it. We opted for dinner at Kooks and, truth be told, the ride to Tamsui was enough for me. Biking back to Shilin felt like a bit much, but I'm looking forward to a great night's sleep!
September 30, 2023: It felt wonderful to conclude the month on a Sabbath day. Throughout this month, a whirlwind of events swept by, leaving me feeling like time flew by swiftly, yet I sensed the accomplishment of numerous things even during moments of seemingly doing nothing. In stark contrast to the previous month, where I battled with sadness, depression, and loneliness, this month was a complete turnaround.
I had the pleasure of meeting many incredible individuals, forging unexpected friendships, and enjoying the company of people I never thought I'd connect with. These newfound connections brought a sense of joy and fulfillment that brightened my days. I am immensely thankful to God for granting me such a fulfilling month, one where blessings seemed to overflow.
As I reflect on this period, I hope for the constancy of this positive energy, even though I understand that life is ever-changing and unpredictable. I offer my prayers for continuous guidance from above, trusting that God will remain by my side, providing the wisdom to navigate through life's twists and turns in alignment with His divine will.
September 29, 2023: I have no regrets for saying 'yes' to an invitation. Last night, I struggled to sleep until 2am due to the pain from my menstrual cycle, making me contemplate sending a message apologizing and canceling my plans. I'm relieved that I chose not to send that message. Returning to Houtong proved to be an entirely unique experience. Not only did we encounter more than 30 cats, but I also had the opportunity to fly my drone by the river and spend time with two remarkable women, who are avid animal lovers like me - one adores cats, while the other, like myself, is a dog enthusiast. It was a truly enriching experience.
Following our visit to the cat village, we ventured to a cat and dog cafe. Today was an immersive encounter with furry friends; it felt like a rejuvenating experience, akin to going on a satisfying yet exhausting hike. Later, we headed to a care group for Bible study, an event I eagerly anticipate and never want to miss, held every Friday. Meeting different people almost every week is refreshing. Though today was draining, my heart is brimming with joy.
September 26, 2023: Had so much fun tonight with friends as we celebrated Wo's birthday. Actually, his birthday is tomorrow, but I thought of celebrating it tonight so we could be with Em. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to join us due to an unavoidable circumstance. I miss hanging out with my friends, even though I always see Lila and Josue because I work part-time at the same company where Lila is my boss and I'm always with Josue. I was also with Jansen almost every day for the past two weeks, but I feel like I miss hanging out with them.
September 25, 2023: Hi everyone! Today, I am excited to share that we secured the third place in the badminton competition yesterday. We competed against formidable opponents, including kids as young as 6 and 9 years old, who showcased exceptional skills—some even surpassing mine. I am truly amazed by their talent, and I thank God that we still managed to secure a place in the competition. I also want to express my gratitude to my teammates, especially to Jansen. Amid my intense focus on the games, they reminded me not to forget to enjoy the experience. It was a remarkable first-time team play for me and my third win in a badminton competition here in Taiwan.
Additionally, I had a meaningful conversation with a "long-lost" friend, Zuhair. Initially taken aback by his message, I was unsure how to respond, but I am thankful he reached out. Without his initiative, I might not have started the conversation. I genuinely appreciate his words of encouragement, though I also felt a pang of sadness upon learning about what he has been going through. I hope and pray that he finds the strength to overcome his challenges with the support of his family, friends, and, of course, God.
Zuhair's actions inspired me to put aside my pride and reach out to one of my dearest friends, with whom I lost contact a few months ago due to an unfortunate incident. I discovered she has been facing tough times, especially after the loss of her baby, Sapa (a frog), whom I also loved dearly. I sent her a heartfelt message to remind her that I am still here for her during this difficult period.
September 21, 2023: Last year, I experienced depression, and only God knows what triggered it. It was something I never expected to go through in this country. Many people and friends reached out, including my Indian friend Sakshi, whose message I truly appreciated. Last month, I went through a similar experience, but this time I knew better how to handle and deal with it. I'm grateful for God being with me, even in my lowest moments in life. Now, I feel better and would like to reach out to those friends who are going through similar challenges. I hope I can share God's love with them, helping them know Him and experience His goodness so that they, too, may find true happiness.
September 17, 2023: After playing several badminton games last week, I gained some confidence in my skills and I started to believe that I might have a chance to win in the upcoming competition. However, today's experience shattered that confidence. I played against opponents who were significantly stronger and better than me, and I lost all my games despite being partnered with players stronger than me.
This experience made me reflect on the role of humility in sports and how God can use these situations to teach us important life lessons. I also realized the significance of having friends by my side during these challenging moments. Whether they are playing with me or against me, their presence provides a sense of companionship, boosting my confidence and giving me the strength to perform better. Even in defeat, their support and encouragement help me to learn from my mistakes and move forward.
Today was a tough day, and I felt a mix of embarrassment and loneliness. It reminded me of the importance of having friends like Arnat, Shawn, and Jansen with me every time I step onto the court to play.
September 16, 2023: I thoroughly enjoyed the activities we engaged in with the young adults today. Following the potluck, we gathered for an Adventist Youth (AY) program. We delved into the first chapter of "Messages to Young People," sharing our thoughts and then offering prayers for one another. After the AY program, we strolled along the riverside, and I found immense joy in this experience as being in nature is truly relaxing for me. I relish walking while admiring the beauty of nature.
Post our brief walk, we proceeded to a dinner gathering. The food was satisfactory for me, and I appreciated it. Although we couldn't have extended conversations with everyone, I made an effort to engage with each person and took note of their comments and preferences. This way, for our future plans, we can organize an even better program catering to the preferences of the young adults in our church.
And I just want to share the take home message I got from the speaker today - "We all meant to live in a community. So, independence is a sign of immaturity."
September 15, 2023: Today, during our group discussion (bible study), the topic remained centered on the "pursuit of excellence," specifically focusing on the Philippians and Paul's teachings about friendship—friends who uplift rather than discourage. Our leader posed the question of who we consider the best friend. I responded, acknowledging all my friends, dating back to elementary school, who have remained steadfast through high school, college, and even the friends I've made here in Taiwan. Despite differing beliefs, we share a mutual respect and care for one another.
The leader also brought up the notion of "friends of convenience"—a fair-weather friendship that endures only as long as it remains convenient for one or both parties. This concept hit close to home, as I had experienced such a friendship where the person discarded our bond when it was no longer convenient for her. I wasn't familiar with this term before, but tonight, I heard it from someone else, confirming its existence and shedding light on the reality that such individuals do exist. It made me reflect, realizing that perhaps I too have been such a friend to others. If that's the case, I'm truly sorry—I now understand how hurtful that can be.
And I'd like to add that my sisters are my true best friends. We may tease and occasionally argue with each other, but ultimately, no matter what happens, I always have their back, and I will always be here for them.
September 12, 2023: As I thought, things in my life are improving, but there are still some challenges that I can't blame anyone but myself for. I received my ARC (Alien Resident Certificate) surprisingly quickly, but my work permit is still on hold. I did receive some money from my scholarship, but there's a chance I won't get my salary this month because my work permit has not been renewed yet. I obtained the dataset I needed for my research, but unfortunately, some variables are missing due to my failure to include them in the MOU (Memorandum of Understanding). I've made new friends, which is great, but I still miss my old friends a lot, and it bothers me every day. Indeed, life is not perfect.
September 10, 2023: "I'm grateful for everything I'm able to see because I'm alive."
September 8, 2023: As I contemplate the topic I will be leading for our care group this evening on the pursuit of EXCELLENCE, I find myself reflecting on my own journey—what I truly desire in life, why I am pursuing a Ph.D., and why I still aspire to study medicine beyond this point. Initially, I believed my motivation was rooted in the desire to acquire knowledge to better serve and assist others in my profession. However, lately, I've sensed a shift in my goals. It seems that my ambition has evolved into a personal quest for self-improvement, driven by the satisfaction of excelling.
September 4, 2023: The weekend has come to an end, which means it's time to take a break from Netflix and other "fun" activities. I had originally planned to head to the office today, but the weather is so beautiful that I've decided to work from home instead. Regardless, I'd like to take a moment to share some reflections on the Book of Job in the Bible.
I haven't finished reading it yet, but after delving into Chapter 16, Job's reaction to his friends' comments about his situation has left a profound impact on me. It has reminded me of the importance of choosing our friends carefully and paying close attention to their words. It's crucial that their words provide comfort and align with God's teachings, as opposed to leaving us feeling more discouraged. I feel truly grateful to God for blessing me with wonderful friends. While not all of them share my faith, I know whom to turn to for guidance in different aspects of life.
September 1, 2023: I have written a separate blog. Please take a look. The title is Embracing the Journey: Overcoming Bitterness and Embracing God's Grace.
August 30, 2023: Contemplating whether to reopen my IG or let it permanently be deleted.
The mere thought of whether to reactivate my Instagram account or leave it destined for permanent deletion stirs up intense emotions within me. The palpitations in my heart amplify with each consideration. Yet, is continually evading this decision truly in my best interest? Initially, maintaining distance from the platform granted me a sense of tranquility. However, as of late, I find myself unable to cease pondering over the matter.
If my absence went unnoticed, does it warrant my concern for their presence? The perplexity deepens as I grapple with whether to revive my online presence or merely stride ahead and accept things as they stand.
August 29, 2023: I received distressing news today: someone took their own life. I used to feel profound sadness each time I hear about such incidents, but recently, my emotions shifted to curiosity about the reasons behind it. While my friends discussed suicide, my thoughts wandered, considering whether I might ever contemplate the same path. I'm aware that dwelling on such thoughts is harmful, that it doesn't offer solutions, and that it's fundamentally wrong. Only those who've experienced immense pain can truly comprehend. I can't say for certain whether I'll ever find myself in that situation—I sincerely hope not, but I can't guarantee it.
August 28, 2023: It has been a while since I last shared my thoughts and feelings. Returning from a short trip to Vietnam, I find myself filled with numerous realizations. Many of these insights are centered around my career, education, work ethic, and my preparation for the future. I've decided to put an end to any frivolous behavior and take a more serious approach, while also focusing on the positive aspects of life.
During my time in Vietnam, I had the opportunity to reflect deeply. These reflections have led me to several key resolutions:
1. 1. Embracing Seriousness: I'm committed to adopting a more serious outlook in various aspects of my life. This includes how I approach my career, education, and personal growth. It's time to dedicate myself fully to these pursuits.
2. 2. Positive mindset: Cultivating a positive mindset is paramount. By focusing on the positive aspects of situations, I can navigate challenges with a more optimistic attitude.
3. 3. Self care: While I'm taking things seriously, I also recognize the need for self-care. Balancing my ambitions with self-care routines ensures I'm in the best state—physically, mentally, emotionally, and, spiritually —to achieve my goals.
4. 4. Seek God: Throughout this journey, I am humbly seeking God's guidance and wisdom. I understand that my efforts are only part of the equation, and I will continually ask for divine insight to lead me in the right direction.
In conclusion, my recent trip to Vietnam has sparked a newfound sense of purpose within me. By approaching life with greater seriousness, focusing on positivity, and seeking God's guidance and wisdom, I'm confident that I'll be better equipped to shape my future. This journey is uniquely mine, and I'm excited to embrace the opportunities that lie ahead.
August 19, 2023: I shouldn't be posting because I'm not feeling well, but while scrolling through my social media, I came across a reel that resonated with me. The message said, "I never wanted to argue I just wanted you to understand how I felt but you always blamed me by saying 'why are you fighting every time'". Finally, found someone who shares the same experience as I do.
August 18, 2023: Sometimes, in fulfilling responsibilities, the challenge lies in knowing precisely what needs to be done and how to do it. However, progress to the next step might be hindered by the requirement for approval or input from individuals in higher positions or others involved. This situation leaves you with little recourse other than to wait. While I am patient, there are instances where urgent completion is necessary in order to proceed. Regrettably, this process becomes impeded due to the dependency on external factors, and it's frustrating.
August 17, 2023: Taking things one day at a time, I am determined not to let this month end without addressing the essential document processing for my dissertation. While I might consider myself a bit slow, it's important to acknowledge the progress I'm making. Balancing my studies and part-time work can be distracting, yet reflecting on these responsibilities actually fuels my hope to persevere and push forward. Of course, there are moments when the thought of escaping it all crosses my mind, I still want to be gone....
August 14, 2023: Trying to be more productive while starting to enjoy again what I used to enjoy before....
August 13, 2023: I want to leave. I want to go to a faraway place where no one knows me. I want to start over. This is what I said before, and this is how I feel now. I'm aware that I'm a loser in life. If I cannot leave now, then I will take my life and be gone forever.
August 12, 2023: "In a world where you can be anything, please choose kind" #BeKind
Kindness I sow, no matter the past
To all souls, a love that will forever last.
Forgiving the hurt, breaking the clash,
In a world of kindness, negativity will crash.
August 11, 2023: How can you go through each day as if nothing has happened, fully aware that you've caused so much pain to someone? It seems that this can only be accomplished if you're either extremely insensitive or actively choose to disregard the impact of your actions, opting to live as though everything is perfectly fine. I don't know how to call you!
August 10, 2023: I will continue to distance myself from these people until I no longer have any emotional response and am prepared to engage in a conversation. Currently, I find it difficult to confront them.
Also, I feel truly upset about my racket huhu.
August 9, 2023: Thank you, Lord! I have finally passed the oral exam and completed all my qualifying exams. Now, I should be more serious about my dissertation, as the analyses ahead are no trivial matter. This endeavor demands time, dedication, commitment, and the wisdom from above. I am grateful to my friends, Em, Josue, Rish, and Pastor Leroy for their unwavering support and encouragement, and to my sisters for listening to my dramas in life and praying for me. I express my gratitude to Em for her formidable personality, which, although occasionally scary, serves as a source of strength, guiding me towards focusing on solutions rather than succumbing to tears (hehe). And of course special thanks to Josue, whose assistance has been invaluable. I should also thank my boss, Lila; she has been very understanding of my situation. This experience has truly humbled me and I learned my lesson. Thank you Lord!
August 8, 2023: It might be best to refrain from sharing your thoughts with others, as they might once again label you as playing the victim role. Instead, consider maintaining a quiet demeanor and gradually distancing yourself from these individuals.
August 7, 2023: Why do some people feel comfortable saying numerous negative things about others, yet continue to assert that they are friends and maintain this facade when they interact face to face? How can you be so p____c?
August 3, 2023: I just want to disappear never come back!
August 2, 2023: Hoping for miracle. I hope they will give me extension.
July 31, 2023: I still do not want but it's time to go back to reality.....
July 28, 2023: I'm home! I missed Baguio City, family, and friends so so much. The smell of the pine trees make me feel nostalgic. Pero wrong timing lang dahil may bagyo at sobrang maulan ngayon dito. Sana tumila na at hindi na uulan pa hanggang makaalis kami.
July 27, 2023: Tried to control myself and not fight with the taxi driver who asked 980 (plus 20 because he has no change) for driving me from NAIA terminal 3 to Pasay victory liner. I even paid the toll fee (35 pesos). Budol talaga ang mga taxi drivers dito sa Pinas, not all but a lot of them. The government should do something about this, sobra na po sila!!! Mas mahal pa binayad ko sa 10-15 minutes (mula airport to victory terminal - pasay) kesa sa bus mula Pasay pa Baguio. Nakakalungkat!
July 26, 2023: To you, I cherish the positive memories we shared and will always remember you fondly. However, I am now prioritizing my inner peace and surrounding myself with those who genuinely value my presence.
"Learn to be done, not mad not bothered, just done.... Protect your peace at all costs."
July 25, 2023: My theme song in Taiwan - ALL ALONG: "All along, your hand has been guiding me, shaping my life to be a beautiful song. All along, you've led me through things that you knew, would make me strong. Your hand has been there all along."
July 23, 2023: Amidst my personal growth, I find myself pondering: Am I evolving negatively or simply maturing? I long for the compassionate side of me that cared for others, yet I also feel the urge to prioritize self-improvement and focus on my own journey.
July 22, 2023: At this moment, I feel like giving up on this dissertation. I no longer have the motivation to continue pushing forward, but I acknowledge that I haven't reached my absolute limit yet. The question remains: should I persist and keep trying?
May 26, 2022: My payment does not come with the condition to remain silent and blindly accept any rule or regulation imposed. I am compensated for fulfilling my job responsibilities. Recently, I came to the realization that I used to reside in a community where the freedom of speech was restricted. Any attempt to question the administrators resulted in being labeled and disciplined. It's essential to understand that this is not about being rebellious. Just because someone holds a position of authority doesn't mean they are always right, and we should unquestioningly follow. As a leader, it is equally important to listen to and consider the input of the workers.
May 10, 2022: The people in power do not determine my loyalty and affection for the Philippines. Once I complete my studies, I plan to return to my country and carry on my responsibilities as a public health professional and teacher. Despite facing daily challenges that make me question if I should keep going, I find the strength to persevere from my faith in God, the support of my family and loved ones, and my deep love for my country. I was born a Filipino, and I will proudly remain one, wholeheartedly cherishing my nation until the end.
By Ruchel Gagarin Oasan (歐善璐)
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